oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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