we have pet lesbian snakes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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