he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just high enough for therapy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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