Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
