Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my poor anus
Is Oprah even human
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize