covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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