Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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