.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
