He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
