i would punch a child for taco bell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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