I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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