He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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