I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize