So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
