All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't turn off my feet"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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