im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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