The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
