i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
