I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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