Banned from zoo.
Again?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
