I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
