Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
