Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
