Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
