Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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