A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize