Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
