I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
