my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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