My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
