If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
