Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
