I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
