Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
