Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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