Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize