Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
