The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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