...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
