The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize