An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
