Pappa wants mamma naked
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
