Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
