how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All the doctor said was why
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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