I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
