How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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