i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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