Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
