apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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