yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
