Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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