im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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