i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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