No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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