my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
