Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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