just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
