Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
