So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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