just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
