Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Less talking, more tequila
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
