I'm eating all of the evidence.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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