my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I faked an abortion last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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