You're so nebulous sometimes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
