You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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