Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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