forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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