Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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