there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
