I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
