apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
