So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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