Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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