Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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