The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
