When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she told me i tasted like america
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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