if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
