Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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