I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
