i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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