just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
