what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
