Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
