singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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