I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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