Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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