your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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