My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize