exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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