I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
