do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
