Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
