i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
