I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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