hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
