Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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