look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
