you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
