My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
